I hate injecting insulin. It hurts, and it's annoying. But it is a lifesaver, and I'm ever grateful for it. More on this when I have a chance.

So, I'm going to get on my soapbox again today, because it's something that gets to me almost every day, and I think it's time someone stands up and says something.

PLEASE NOTE: DIABETES IS NOT CAUSED BY EATING COOKIES, DRINKING SODA, OR INGESTING MILKSHAKES, EVEN BACON MILKSHAKES. PEOPLE WITH DIABETES--EVEN TYPE 2 DIABETICS--DID NOT BRING THIS ON THEMSELVES, NEITHER SHOULD YOU OR THE MEDIA BE BLAMING THEM FOR IT.


Then this morning a Facebook friend of mine posted something about the new Jack-in-the-Box bacon-flavored milkshake. She is in medical school, so her post said, "Comes with a lifetime supply of glucose monitors and a coupon for metformin!" This sounds very smart, but the fact is, she was still saying that drinking milkshakes causes diabetes. So I posted as such. More specifically, I said, "Not that milkshakes cause diabetes. But thanks for perpetuating the myth and continuing to stigmatize us. Oh, if only I hadn't eaten that milkshake, I wouldn't have to inject myself 4 times a day." I know that sounds kind-of harsh, but I think if a medical student is so taken in by the myth, what hope do we have of educating people? Luckily, I was right about the way that she would take my words, and we were able to have a short exchange about stigmatizing people and being careful about our words. DIABETES IS NOT CAUSED BY INGESTING MILKSHAKES, EVEN BACON-FLAVORED MILKSHAKES!

But it makes me so tired. I do not want to be a crusader. Does having diabetes me that I have to take on this role, too? It reminds me of when I decided to get my Master of Pastoral Studies in 2001. I really just wanted to study the ministry because I felt a true calling to it and wanted to learn more about it. Little did I know that I would have to spend the next 2 years defending my decision to people I barely knew, including the one person who told me that the "only" reason I wanted to be a pastor was because I wanted to "be a man."


 PEOPLE WITH DIABETES--EVEN TYPE 2 DIABETICS--DID NOT BRING THIS ON THEMSELVES, NEITHER SHOULD YOU OR THE MEDIA BE BLAMING THEM FOR IT

Sooo...last week was my birthday. It was pretty low key. Most of you know that usually I do a big thing for my birthday, but this year I did not. This is partly due to the fact that I am desperately trying to get my dissertation proposal finished (and it is way overdue) and partly due to the fact that people seemed really put out by what I wanted to do. Nevertheless, there were some high points.

On my birthday, the Chans (Virna, Danny, Cassidy, and Jordan) took me out for burgers at The Counter and dessert at Green Street Restaurant. On Friday, my Renovatus church family surprised me with a fruit tart from Porto's. And on Sunday, my friends Nestor, Kelly, Yvette, Pixote, and Olivia surprised me with a red velvet cake--also from Porto's. YUM!!! :)

Also on my birthday, I spent the morning at the vet with Barney, who has (had?) two ear infections. He got some medicine, and he seems to be doing a lot better now.

In the last year, I have passed my qualifying exams, presented at my first conference, had a paper accepted at my first national conference, gotten a new job teaching college students. I have lost my best friend, attended three funerals, NOT finished my dissertation proposal (yet!). I have started giving myself nightly injections, gotten a new doctor, and gotten a new doggy. In short, I have lived life.

I'm thankful for another year of life. Looking forward to what's next.

I recently got a letter from the American Diabetes Association about AB 1430. The California legislature is considering a bill that would make it illegal for anyone except trained nurses to administer insulin to students in California public schools--even if there is someone else in the school who is trained to give the injections. This means, basically, that if your child has diabetes, then he or she will either (1) have to learn how to give his/her own injections, no matter how old that child is; 2) only have his/her medication on the days that there is actually a nurse on campus--sometimes only once every two weeks; 3) have someone (usually the parent) come on campus at regular intervals to administer the medication; or 4) stay home from school and be homeschooled.

Why? Because California school nurses are afraid that by allowing someone else to give these much-needed injections, they will become obsolete. Frankly, what is making them obsolete is the ridiculous notion that not having a full-time nurse on every campus is somehow good for children's safety. "Yes, Johnny, I'm sorry you fell down and sprained your wrist on the playground. We will have the nurse look at it next Thursday when she comes in."

Since we can't have nurses on every single campus in every single public school, why must we punish diabetic children? If students are too young to administer their own insulin, does that mean that the state has the right to discriminate against them and essentially keep them out of public schools? How is training someone to do something that a nurse isn't even there for a bad thing? How is allowing a child access to education while at the same time caring for his/her health harmful to nurses?

If you're not sure about this, maybe this article will give you some perspective. Please pray about this matter.

So here is goal #3 for 2009:

Have a blood glucose within range at least 3 times a week.

Since I am supposed to test 14 times a week, this seems quite reasonable. However, let me give you some background. Last year I managed to lose some weight and to get my blood glucose (BG) under control. In fact, I was even able to decrease the dosage on one of my medications. Unfortunately, this did not last long, and I started slowly gaining again. And slowly my BG started to creep up. *sigh* The last time I went to the doctor, I told him that my BG was starting to get too high in the mornings but was perfectly within range in the afternoons. My doctor thought that my BG might actually be going too low at night, and I was catching it on the "bounce" in the morning. So he suggested that I try cutting out one of my medications and seeing if that helped. It didn't. Instead, my BG skyrocketed. I stopped checking, but I could tell that I was really high. So I started taking the meds again on New Year's Day. That day my morning BG was 262, and the afternoon BG was 281. Today I have gotten my morning BG down to 214 and the afternoon to 144. This is much better, but my goal is to be between 70 and 140, so I have a way to go. I'm starting off with a goal of 3 times per week, but I hope to be able to raise this number sometime soon. I'll keep you posted.

I got this an email from the Disability Rights Education and Defense Fund a while ago. Some of the stories are heartbreaking. I'm reprinting some excerpts below . . .

Dear Diabetes Families and Friends of DREDF:

As you know, DREDF attorneys Larisa Cummings and Charlotte Lanvers have been working full steam on achieving the right to health care assistance in school for children with diabetes. We won a landmark settlement in 2007 from the California Department of Education (CDE). Then nurses’ organizations sued the CDE, and we received a setback a few weeks ago when a Judge ruled that licensed nurses are the only people other than parents, parent-designees, or the child herself who can administer insulin. It would be great to have a nurse in every school, but that is not going to happen. Larisa and Charlotte continue to put their all into this work every day.

In the midst of this work, Lisa Shenson, one of DREDF’s parent volunteers sent a plea for support to her friends in the diabetes family community that we'd like to share with you. It is important for us to reach out to the communities we serve for support, because few institutional funders will underwrite the legal advocacy DREDF undertakes as a 501(c)3 non-profit public interest law firm. Please help us so that we can continue to fight for your children and families.

Here is Lisa’s message:

Dear Diabetes Families & Friends,

Last month an 8 year-old child newly diagnosed with diabetes had no one at school to administer his insulin — there was only one nurse for the district, and she would not train any other school personnel to help this boy. Another child, 6 years old, was told by his school’s nurse that he must learn to press the buttons on his pump or he would not be allowed to come to school. At another school, administrators told a young teen that she may not participate in team sports because of her diagnosis. And a young boy in the Central Valley has been home-schooled for two years because his neighborhood school told his family, “We don’t do diabetes care.”

These are but a few of the real stories of children with diabetes who have recently faced discrimination in California ’s public schools. Be it your family or one you don’t even know, the pain of discrimination touches every diabetes family.

Now, more than ever, all diabetes families need to support the organization that has been leading the fight against discrimination on our behalf … the Disability Rights Education & Defense Fund (DREDF).* DREDF is one of the nation’s leading legal and policy advocacy non-profits, and it is passionately championing the rights of children with diabetes in California. DREDF’s intensive efforts are vitally important to all diabetes families.

Last month, a judge in California Superior Court ruled that only certain individuals are permitted to administer insulin to a child with diabetes in California public schools. This is a major setback. Why? Based on this court ruling, unlicensed school personnel may not administer insulin to a student on a regular basis. The ruling does not prevent trained unlicensed school personnel from assisting a child with self-administration of insulin, or administering insulin in an emergency. But with a serious shortage of nurses in schools, children with diabetes and their families will have to fight for their right to appropriate care in school. Parents and their designees may choose to come to school to administer insulin. But for many families, this is near impossible.

DREDF and its legal partners fought hard to keep this ruling from happening, and they are continuing to fight for our children and to provide legal assistance to individual families so that all children with diabetes are safe at school.

In Gratitude & Partnership,

Lisa Shenson, Diabetes Parent & Advocate

Susan Henderson

Executive Director

I don't really know what I want to say about it. It's just another thing . . . *sigh*

Found these cool shirts via the American Diabetes Association group on Facebook. I'm going to buy one . . . if I ever get the money . . .

So . . . I received a package from FedEx today. It took me completely by surprise--first, because I'm expecting my new phone, and I was surprised that it would be here so soon; and second, because when I realized it wasn't my phone, I had no idea what it could possibly be. I opened the package, and all I could see were pink and purple feathers! Turns out that someone connected to Divabetic read this blog and how disappointed I was with my experience, so she wanted to send me something to make up for it. She sent me a feather boa (in pink and purple--my favorite colors), a T-shirt (not even close to being my size), and a huge tote bag. It was strange, nice, and a little creepy. My thoughts . . .

1) I think that Divabetic is great, in theory. However, the event itself was very unorganized and too loud. There was just a lot of yelling--so much, in fact, that I couldn't understand the people in the education stations. There was too much waiting, and the things that people wanted the most were really unavailable unless you wanted to spend the entire event waiting for one thing. I realize that the event is helpful for a lot of people. It was probably the most helpful for those people who pushed their way to the front of lines to "be with their group." (In the grocery store, I call it tag-team shopping.)

2) I think that the education stations were also a great idea. However, I really didn't learn anything that I didn't know, and I am irritated that I was told that the only way I could get my gift bag was to visit every single station. If the information had been helpful, that would have been one thing. But it really wasted my time to have to stand in long lines to hear something I already knew.

3) I think it's great that there were free food and free drinks. It would have been even better if I had gotten to eat more than one thing, but, hey, that's just because I'm polite and didn't push my way to the food. Also, maybe next time Divabetic should provide recipes in order to make it a true educational experience.

4) I think it's a sign of a good company if there's someone in the company who periodically searches blogs and other places to see what people are saying about the company. (It's the reason I didn't use the name of the place I was teaching earlier this year.) However, I think it's a little creepy and possibly over the line to match someone's blog with the registration list in order to get in touch with someone whose blog you read.

5) I really appreciate getting the stuff. It was a nice gesture (even though the shirt doesn't fit; I'll have to donate that to the Women's Center). And the feather boa is pretty cool. Even though, well, see #4.

So, thanks, Divabetic, for reaching out, even though, well, see #4.

So, I was really looking forward to Divabetic at Paramount Studios yesterday. It was advertised as a day of education and fun for diabetics and those who love them. I guess that's what it was, but, unfortunately, I didn't learn much, and I didn't have a whole lot of fun either. It wasn't NOT fun; it just wasn't all that great.

I arrived at Paramount Studios about 10 minutes before the event was supposed to start. And then I drove around and around in the parking lot to find somewhere to park. Since the fan in my car is not working, I was not thrilled to be stuck in my car for 20 minutes in the heat.

Finally, I parked, and a nice parking lot attendant directed me to the tram oversized golf cart that would take me to sound stage 10 for the event. It was only about 2 buildings away, as it turns out, so I didn't have to accept the ride anyway. I checked in and received my "maze map." I was told that I needed to visit all 6 education stations and fill out the survey on the back of the map in order to receive my gift bag as I left the event.

As I entered the building, I discovered that it was packed and LOUD. Right at the entrance, there was a line for the American Diabetes Association. The make-up tables were along the wall to my right, and people had already filled all of the chairs. In fact, the entire place was so crowded that it was difficult to get anywhere. A woman to my left beckoned me to her booth. "What are you doing over here?" I asked. "Blood pressure," she answered. "I have my blood pressure checked regularly," I answered. "And it's very good." "OK," she answered, without telling me that her booth held more than that.

I snagged a Pellegrino from the drink booth and finally got my bearings. I headed for one of the education stations and stood in line for a VERY long time to talk to a diabetes educator. At least . . . I think she was a diabetes educator; I'm actually not really sure. Anyway, the rest of the day was more of the same--standing in lines for education booths and talking to people whose credentials I wasn't really sure of.

The worst booth was the "Glam More, Fear Less" station. We were supposed to learn about pedicures and buying the perfect "little black dress." The speaker was horrible! And she offended me when she totally got my body type wrong. Honestly! Plus, she was wearing a too-tight dress that did not flatter her AT ALL!

There was free food, but I didn't get much of anything. The servers with the trays never seemed to come near me. Oh well. I managed to get a hand massage from someone. She didn't do a good job of telling me the name of her product, other than it's sold at CVS. I did not get a make-over or a manicure, both of which I had hoped for. But the lines were way too long. That was my biggest disappointment. My other disappointment was that I really didn't learn anything that I didn't know beforehand. I did manage to get my free gift bag, which had a lot of stuff to read, a few samples of cosmetics and stuff, and a cookbook. The backpack itself is pretty nice, and I may use that more than once.

Overall, I'll have to say that Divabetic was a disappointment, and I don't plan on attending another one of their events anytime soon.

OK, well, I just had to post a link to this story. It's silly, but it's diabetes and Star Wars in the same place. How could I resist?

Well, week 3 was pretty much a wash. I only managed to earn 10 points. Well, actually, when I realized that I wasn't going to make it to 20, I pretty much gave up trying. Bad Kat. Oh well. It's a new week. I'm considering last week a practice run and am making no changes for this week. Here are my 5 (again):

1. Get out of bed before 8:00.

2. Drink 1.5L of water.

3. Wear pedometer and walk at least 4000 steps.

4. Take medicine on time.

5. Walk the dog.

I'm pretty sure I'll do better this week, despite the busyness. I have to, or I won't get my MP3 player before my trip to New York! How's that for incentive?

Well, I didn't do as well as I'd have liked during week 2, but I still managed to earn 20 points. I'm saving my reward for a while, until I decide exactly what I want from the craft store. This week I was a little ambitious. I didn't make many changes, but I tweaked the old 5 just a little.

1. Get out of bed before 8:00. I pushed this up yet another 1/2 hour. I think this is going to be hard to do, since I'm starting most of my classes this week, but it's something I need to do. I really don't like wasting half of my morning in bed.

2. Drink 1.5L of water. I have not been doing well with this one at all. I was hoping to increase this to 2L this week, but, since I almost never reached this goal last week, I had to keep it the same this week.

3. Wear pedometer and walk at least 4000 steps. I increased this quite a bit. I'm getting to a point where I'm working hard on my 5, and that's where I want to be.

4. Take medicine on time. I'm doing pretty well on this one and will most likely replace it with something else next week. Not sure what yet.

5. Walk the dog. This is the same every week, but the distance actually changes. We are walking pretty far now, over a mile, a lot of which is uphill. We'll get to a much longer distance at some point, but the increases aren't too big in order to fool myself into thinking I'm not walking that far. LOL

I'm not doing well at all this week, and it's already mathematically impossible for me to reach my 20 points. Oh well. Keep on keeping on, I guess. *sigh*

So I did really well during my first week of 5 for 5. I earned 22 points, though I haven't given myself my reward yet. Nevertheless, I'm pretty happy with my progress. So this week I'm changed things up a little. Here are my 5:

1. Get out of bed before 8:30. This is almost the same as last week, except I pushed up the time 1/2 an hour. I'm try to get it to 7:00. Again, I know it makes me sound incredibly lazy, but, remember, the majority of my activity occurs at night time.

2. Drink 1.5L of water. My dietician made me add this, and she was right to do so. I have to admit that this was the thing I have been struggling with the most this week. And it's what I've always struggled with. As it nears my bedtime, I'm trying to figure out how to fit in another 1/2 L of water. *sigh*

3. Wear pedometer and walk at least 3000 steps. I increased my steps a little and will definitely increase them next week. I want to make it to 10,000 eventually.

4. Take medicine on time. OK, well, I replaced the snack item with this one. I still need to keep track of the snack thing, but I decided that the medicine thing is more important right now. And I'm doing pretty well with it. EXCEPT for the day that I didn't pick up my prescription from Target until mid-afternoon and then didn't get home until almost dinner. I guess I really need to order those refills a little earlier, don't I?

5. Walk the dog. No change here.

I'm struggling a little more this week, but I'm doing OK. I think I'll make my 20 points. I'm already smelling that cute little MP3 player . . .

I've heard it before that diabetics are more prone to depression than the general public. However, I don't think that I've read an article that explained depression quite as well as this one.

Serious, clinical depression is extremely tough to explain to people who have never experienced it, but the bell jar metaphor posed by poet Sylvia Plath back in the 60’s strikes me as good as any: the sensation is as though there is a thin film between you and anything good in the world. My therapist calls it wearing ‘shit-colored glasses’, where nothing looks good and nothing appears worth working for.

Wow. This really hit home for me. I would never have explained it that way, but I completely understood it. Since I've been in and out of my own personal black hole lately, the timing couldn't have been any closer to perfect. And I was glad that the author was optimistic but still realistic in her article.

You can’t choose to get out of a bad depression, but you can decide to give attention to people who love you and who assure you that better days will come. You can’t cure your diabetes, but you can decide to follow your exercise, eating and drug treatment plans as best you can.

And that's what I'm choosing to do. Even though I don't feel like it and really, really, really don't want to. Thanks for writing, Ilene Raymond Rush.

I'm always looking for ideas of how to keep myself on track with my health and how to keep myself motivated. So I thought this idea from a blogger on dLife was a really cool idea. The basic concept is that you choose just five things every week to focus on for five days of that week. Every day that you reach a goal, you give yourself a point, for a possible total of 25 points per week. The author rewards herself every time she reaches 20 points per week. She also had the idea to give herself a treat when she reaches 100 points.

I love this idea so much that I decided to try it myself. Today was my first day, and I think I did pretty well. My 5 for this week are:

1) Get up by 9am. I know, I know. It sounds funny. But between the working at night, the late night phone calls, and the insomnia, this is really hard for me to accomplish.

2) Test my blood sugar twice daily. I can usually manage once a day, but twice is hard for me, for some reason.

3) Wear my pedometer and walk at least 2500 steps per day. This is a two-in-one goal. I don't really mind wearing the pedometer; I just tend to forget to put it on in the morning. As for the second part, I guess I underestimated my activity level. I thought that reaching 2500 was hard for me (though the ultimate goal should be 10,000 steps), which is why I set it so low. Now that it's the end of the day, I see that I managed to reach almost twice that today. I'll reconsider my numbers next week.

4) No unauthorized snacks! This has been my nemesis these past few weeks. I have no idea why, but all of a sudden I became ravenous and craved salt. And it lasted for nearly a month. I snacked like crazy. Today that ended, right? :)

5) Walk the dog. I need it; he needs it. 'Nuff said.

I also made a list of reward for myself when I reach 20 points per week (scrapbook supplies that have nothing to do with birthday guild), 100 points (electronics of some sort--I have a list), and 1000 points (vacation of some sort--I have a list of destinations). We'll see how long it lasts.

So far I'm doing well, but as the day went on, I thought of 4 more future goals that I could very well have had for this week. It's just a reminder of how many things I need to keep track of with this diabetes thing. *sigh* Yeah, it's not a piece of cake--or even just avoiding cake.

I'll keep you updated. If this inspires you to join me, let me know. :)

I don't think I've ever been able to communicate effectively how frustrating it is to be diabetic. I need to stick myself in the fingers, take too many pills, and watch what I eat. It's this "watching" that can be the most frustrating. (Well, that and the fact that the media like to say things like "eating too much fat can cause you to contract diabetes." CONTRACT??? Are you freaking KIDDING me???) For one thing, most people think that diabetics can't have dessert and that we are horribly deprived because of that. For the record, a cup of rice is worse for my diabetes than a small piece of cake, and this is not the case for every diabetic.

The frustration with my inability to express what it is like to be diabetic is often helped by talking with other diabetics (my favorite message board is here) and by reading articles about diabetes. I found one great one recently. You can read it here.

To compensate for my inarticulateness (is that a word?), read the article and, if you wish, tell me your thoughts.

I just happened upon this story last night. It's the story of a family and their experience with a diabetes diagnosis. I think it's just a great story. It runs the gamut of emotions in just a short story. Take a read. :)

It's National Diabetes Month. I find it interesting because not only is November my birth month, it's also the month in which I was diagnosed. I think I was actually diagnosed on the day before my birthday.

Anyway, it's a time to raise awareness about what diabetes really is and what it's not. And it's also a great time to donate what you can--time, money, energy, etc.--to diabetes research and education. But, hey, as far as I'm concerned, anytime is a perfect time for that!

So if you want to know about diabetes, just ask me. I don't promise to know all of the answers. I'm not a diabetes expert; I'm just me--someone who happens to be diabetic.

By the way, here is a good article on National Diabetes Month from dLife.

Diabetes sucks. I hate having it. I hate the finger sticks, the medication, the (many) highs and the (not so many but really annoying) lows, and the fact that most people just think that all I have to do is avoid dessert. But the one thing that is true is that I have found a lot of supporters and people who know exactly what I am going through. On the Dear Janis message boards, someone posted this link.

I'm posting the list here--noting again that the list is not mine. Please do check out the article.

• 10. Good with numbers.
• 9. Creative.
• 8. Technologically savvy.
• 7. Nutritionally in the know.
• 6. Supported by a built-in community.
• 5. Benefit more from exercise.
• 4. Quickly updated about lifestyle changes.
• 3. Healthier.
• 2. Well cared for.
• 1. Self-aware.

For those of you who are diabetic, I hope the article gives you a little bit of motivation today. For those of you who aren't, I hope this helped you learn something you didn't know. :)

I meant to mention this, but I totally forgot . . .

Friday when we were listening to evidence, I started feeling sleepy, REALLY sleepy. And I don't mean the kind of sleepy that you get when you are bored; I mean the kind when you are completely exhausted. This has happened to me before, and this time I knew exactly what it was--my blood sugar had dropped. I'm not even sure why it did--I had just eaten lunch about an hour before. Nevertheless, it happened. I was getting kind-of worried because we're not allowed to eat in the courtroom. Luckily, the judge let us have a break about 15 minutes later. I had a chocolate chunk cookie in my purse and bought some milk to go with it. I started feeling better and was able to get through the rest of the afternoon without incident.

I hate being diabetic! Honestly, most of the time I have to worry about my blood sugar being too high, and then all of a sudden I have a stupid low? People who think that having diabetes just means you can't have dessert would be surprised to know things like this.

*sigh*