So, it's been almost 2 weeks since my graduation. The parties are over. The congratulations have stopped coming. I've stopped grinning like a Cheshire cat. And now...the let-down.

It's not that I'm not still happy about the celebrations and the well-wishes. It's just that...well...now what?

I have the same job (which, by the way, was quite sucky yesterday). I have the same relationships (or lack thereof). My best friend has basically disappeared for the next two months. I just feel...I dunno...lonely and let-down.

I really have nothing to look forward to. Looking forward is what has always carried me through. Without that...*sigh*

So...*sigh*

Here's another one of my goals. It kind-of goes along with Goal #1, but it's slightly different.

I will do something with friends at least twice a month.

This stems from the fact that I tend to go into a cave from time to time, and this can be a very dark place. So in an attempt to prevent this from happening, I am going to force myself to interact with people at least twice a month. It kind-of goes with the museum thing, since I hope that people will join me at the museums, but I plan to go to the museums with or without people. The "something" doesn't have to be anything more than a quick lunch; it doesn't have to be a big party or anything.

In this way, I hope to keep myself from retreating into myself. It's my attempt to be less "Eeyore" and more "Tigger."

I've heard it before that diabetics are more prone to depression than the general public. However, I don't think that I've read an article that explained depression quite as well as this one.

Serious, clinical depression is extremely tough to explain to people who have never experienced it, but the bell jar metaphor posed by poet Sylvia Plath back in the 60’s strikes me as good as any: the sensation is as though there is a thin film between you and anything good in the world. My therapist calls it wearing ‘shit-colored glasses’, where nothing looks good and nothing appears worth working for.

Wow. This really hit home for me. I would never have explained it that way, but I completely understood it. Since I've been in and out of my own personal black hole lately, the timing couldn't have been any closer to perfect. And I was glad that the author was optimistic but still realistic in her article.

You can’t choose to get out of a bad depression, but you can decide to give attention to people who love you and who assure you that better days will come. You can’t cure your diabetes, but you can decide to follow your exercise, eating and drug treatment plans as best you can.

And that's what I'm choosing to do. Even though I don't feel like it and really, really, really don't want to. Thanks for writing, Ilene Raymond Rush.

Sorry I haven't posted for a while. Things have been rough for me lately. I've been struggling with a depression that the universe seems to be supplying with things for it to feed on. I'll be posting some stuff soon.