I've been wandering around aimlessly for the past month or so. Not that I haven't had anything to do; I've had plenty to do. I have to finish editing my dissertation. I have some papers to write for various things. I have lesson plans to update. I have a house to clean. I have books to read. I have movies and TV shows to watch. I have scrapbooking, genealogy, and numerous hobbies to get back into.

So, it's not that I have nothing to *do*. It's more that I have nothing to *look forward to*. I had a long-term goal for a very long time, and now that I've reached it, I keep thinking, "Now what?"

I've written about this before, so I won't belabor the issue.

And I've also written about some goals that I have, but none of them seemed to be enough. I am looking for something *more*.

So I've decided to concentrate on one goal. It is a long-term goal, has many components, and will not be easy to accomplish. I want to adopt a child.

This is something I've wanted to do ever since I can remember. I have wanted to do this much more than I have wanted to get married or have "my own" (read: natural) children or even get a doctorate. So now I'm going to plan for it.

Now, this is going to take a lot more than just *wanting* to adopt. In fact, several of my other goals will have to be put into place before I can accomplish this.

First, I need to be financially stable. This means that I need to have a good job and reduce a great deal of my debt. This is going to take some time and energy, I know, but it will be great for me in many ways.

Second, I need a better place to live. Either I need to get my house all fixed up or I need to move. I would like to do both, just in case. But at any rate, I need a much better place to live. And I'll be happier once both happen.

Third, I need to be healthier. Since going on the insulin, I have learned how to control my blood sugar. I'm a lot healthier than I was a year ago, and I'm getting the care that I need. But I need to lose weight and still be even more healthy. So that means I need to start exercising. A LOT. And eating better. I know I can do it; I just need a better plan, I think.

So that's it. The Goal. This may take 3 years. Or more. But at least now I have a goal.

Here's the jist of a conversation I had with someone yesterday.

Friend: Thanks for sending me the contact info for your endocrinology professional.

Me: Oh, I didn't realize you'd gotten it.

Friend: Yes, I got it, but I'm not going to call. Out of principle, I don't use that company. I think it's a terrible company, and I think they give horrible care.

Me: I like them; they are good to me, and I've been doing much better since going there.

Friend: Well, that's fine for you, but I think they are a terrible company, and I won't go there. We always got patients that had left their downtown office after getting terrible care.

Me: I don't go to the downtown office. I go to South Pasadena. South Pas is very different from downtown.

Friend: Yes, I know. But I still think it's a terrible company. But it's fine for you.

What the hell?

*seriously reconsidering the value of this "friendship"*

In honor of the Lunar New Year, I am posting my life update, just so you know what's going on.

School--School has overtaken my life. There is rarely a moment that I am not thinking about how much reading I have to do, a project that is due next, or an interesting discussion that I had about educational justice. But it's great. I started with a taste of school in July and then got going full throttle in September. I finished my first term with a 4.0, and now I'm motivated to maintain that. I'm excited by what I'm learning, and it's very interesting. This term is Legal & Ethical Issues in Education and Quantitative Research Methods (stats). Both are very interesting courses, and I've been blessed by great teachers in both classes. At some point I'd like to narrow down my interests to a dissertation topic. I know, there's still time, but I am so eager to get out there and move on. Which brings me to . . .

Work--Work is going relatively well. I find that I am still excited by teaching and that having my students change so often helps keep me motivated. At the same time, the work load is hit and miss. Sometimes it's overwhelming, and sometimes it's not enough to pay the bills. I find it frustrating. Also frustrating is the fact that we are judged constantly by our students through surveys they fill out. I usually don't find these helpful, as the students tend to blame things on me rather than realize they are curricular issues that I can not change (such as how much material I need to get through in a night). Such surveys are used to prevent me from getting a raise, which is quite unfair. Also, I'd like to get out of my doctoral program with some relevant experience so that I don't have to spend several years after graduation working at something that I am overqualified for just to gain experience. The problem is that with all of the budget cuts, no one is hiring for positions that would help me in that respect. So any of you that work in schools, if you hear of anything, I'm admin intern eligible.

Church--Church is going fairly well. I am probably going to change my membership to Eagle Rock SDA after all of these years. It's like getting a divorce from VDSDA, but that place clearly abandoned me years ago. I have been involved in Renovatus at Eagle Rock and have even made some friends there. I bring food once a month and even got to preach last year. It was a lot of fun, and it's nice to be in a place where it is recognized that talents can expand and grow.

Health--Health is :p. I am not taking care of myself as I know I should. I need a coach like the one Oprah had. Not that I can afford that. :p

Relationships--sigh. Have made some friends at school, church, and work. I guess that's nice. But there's still never that "one person" that I know I can call on. It gets rather lonely living that way. Really had hoped to have a husband and kids by now (or at least kids?), but I guess I'm not all that high on God's priority list. sigh

Anyway, that's my life. I know only about 5 of you read this, but thanks for staying tuned.

This was today's Chinese Horoscope for me. Oddly, much of it is true, and most of the rest of it I am waiting to come true. Interesting . . .

You'll make some good business deals or will find a more remunerative job. Don't mull over pointless questions of life after death. You'll be subject to digestive and intestinal troubles due mostly to your anxiety and excessive nervousness. Family concerns or uneasiness about the health of a near one will somewhat disturb your life. You'll savor the delights of love. But this should not prevent you from taking care of other sectors of your existence, otherwise it will not take you long to know many disappointments.
Horoscopes ©AsiaFlash Provided Courtesy of Master Rao.

On Saturday, May 10th, over 50,000 people participated in the Los Angeles EIF Revlon Run/Walk for Women's Cancers. It was an amazing experience that I'm happy to tell you about.

I arrived at Joy's house at 6:45, and she, Katherine, and I were off to the L.A. Coliseum. Over 2 hours later, we were finally parking. Yes, it took us that long to get there. The traffic coming off of the freeway was a mess. And the organizers' attempts to make things easier seemed to make the traffic even worse. We were annoyed but still optimistic.

I was off to the volunteer tent to figure out what to do. I received my volunteer t-shirt and was told to wait "over there." A guy came by and said it was too late for me to do my appointed job (water stop #1), but I could help him out by handing out medals. Soon a group of us had assembled, and we headed over to the floor of the Coliseum to line up and hand out medals.

Soon after we'd lined up, the first runner entered the stadium. He had run the 5K in less than 15 minutes. More runners came into the stadium. Unfortunately, I was too far away from the entrance lane for anyone to take medals from me. My arms got more and more tired from holding those medals without my load getting any lighter. I was trying not to get frustrated, but I found myself getting really annoyed.

So I took matters into my own hands and walked over to the medal table. "My arms are about to fall off," I said. "Do you need help over here?" They did, and I found a new job. And could a job be any better suited for me? I untangled ribbons and organized the medal table. I also got to talk to people and watch the people coming into the stadium. I even got to see Susan, Doreen, Joy, and Katherine come across the finish line.

We had gotten there too late to see the opening activities, so we didn't get to see Tom Selleck or Carrie Ann Inaba. But I was in the Coliseum for the entire concert by the Go-Gos. It was a nice blast from the past. Plus, those women look GOOD! I was acually surprised at how good they look.

After a while, all of the medals were gone, but people were still coming into the Coliseum. I really hoped that the line of medal-hander-outers still had enough for them, 'cause we sure didn't. I was a little miffed because I know that some people had taken more than one. I even saw some volunteers wearing them. It's really sad that someone didn't get a medal because of someone else's greed.

Ah well. Enough negative talk.

We all (Joy, Katherine, Susan, Doreen, Robin, Jennifer, and I) piled into Joy's minivan and drove to the Staples Center. Why is there so much traffic on the 110 on a Saturday? Anyway, we dropped them off at their car and headed home. First we had to stop by Jack in the Box to pick up lunch.

We spent the rest of the day hanging out at Joy's place with Liza. She had chemo on Thursday, so she wasn't able to come to the walk with us. But we're already making plans for next year. It was a great time. We overate, talked, laughed, were entertained by Brian, played games on the Wii, and ate some more.

It was interesting, too, to spend time with Liza. It really drove the whole point of the walk home. One day we won't need this walk anymore, because someone will find a cure some day.

Until then, we're making plans to do this again next year. Maybe you'll join us?

So I did really well during my first week of 5 for 5. I earned 22 points, though I haven't given myself my reward yet. Nevertheless, I'm pretty happy with my progress. So this week I'm changed things up a little. Here are my 5:

1. Get out of bed before 8:30. This is almost the same as last week, except I pushed up the time 1/2 an hour. I'm try to get it to 7:00. Again, I know it makes me sound incredibly lazy, but, remember, the majority of my activity occurs at night time.

2. Drink 1.5L of water. My dietician made me add this, and she was right to do so. I have to admit that this was the thing I have been struggling with the most this week. And it's what I've always struggled with. As it nears my bedtime, I'm trying to figure out how to fit in another 1/2 L of water. *sigh*

3. Wear pedometer and walk at least 3000 steps. I increased my steps a little and will definitely increase them next week. I want to make it to 10,000 eventually.

4. Take medicine on time. OK, well, I replaced the snack item with this one. I still need to keep track of the snack thing, but I decided that the medicine thing is more important right now. And I'm doing pretty well with it. EXCEPT for the day that I didn't pick up my prescription from Target until mid-afternoon and then didn't get home until almost dinner. I guess I really need to order those refills a little earlier, don't I?

5. Walk the dog. No change here.

I'm always looking for ideas of how to keep myself on track with my health and how to keep myself motivated. So I thought this idea from a blogger on dLife was a really cool idea. The basic concept is that you choose just five things every week to focus on for five days of that week. Every day that you reach a goal, you give yourself a point, for a possible total of 25 points per week. The author rewards herself every time she reaches 20 points per week. She also had the idea to give herself a treat when she reaches 100 points.

I love this idea so much that I decided to try it myself. Today was my first day, and I think I did pretty well. My 5 for this week are:

1) Get up by 9am. I know, I know. It sounds funny. But between the working at night, the late night phone calls, and the insomnia, this is really hard for me to accomplish.

2) Test my blood sugar twice daily. I can usually manage once a day, but twice is hard for me, for some reason.

3) Wear my pedometer and walk at least 2500 steps per day. This is a two-in-one goal. I don't really mind wearing the pedometer; I just tend to forget to put it on in the morning. As for the second part, I guess I underestimated my activity level. I thought that reaching 2500 was hard for me (though the ultimate goal should be 10,000 steps), which is why I set it so low. Now that it's the end of the day, I see that I managed to reach almost twice that today. I'll reconsider my numbers next week.

4) No unauthorized snacks! This has been my nemesis these past few weeks. I have no idea why, but all of a sudden I became ravenous and craved salt. And it lasted for nearly a month. I snacked like crazy. Today that ended, right? :)

5) Walk the dog. I need it; he needs it. 'Nuff said.

I also made a list of reward for myself when I reach 20 points per week (scrapbook supplies that have nothing to do with birthday guild), 100 points (electronics of some sort--I have a list), and 1000 points (vacation of some sort--I have a list of destinations). We'll see how long it lasts.

So far I'm doing well, but as the day went on, I thought of 4 more future goals that I could very well have had for this week. It's just a reminder of how many things I need to keep track of with this diabetes thing. *sigh* Yeah, it's not a piece of cake--or even just avoiding cake.

I'll keep you updated. If this inspires you to join me, let me know. :)

Diabetes sucks. I hate having it. I hate the finger sticks, the medication, the (many) highs and the (not so many but really annoying) lows, and the fact that most people just think that all I have to do is avoid dessert. But the one thing that is true is that I have found a lot of supporters and people who know exactly what I am going through. On the Dear Janis message boards, someone posted this link.

I'm posting the list here--noting again that the list is not mine. Please do check out the article.

• 10. Good with numbers.
• 9. Creative.
• 8. Technologically savvy.
• 7. Nutritionally in the know.
• 6. Supported by a built-in community.
• 5. Benefit more from exercise.
• 4. Quickly updated about lifestyle changes.
• 3. Healthier.
• 2. Well cared for.
• 1. Self-aware.

For those of you who are diabetic, I hope the article gives you a little bit of motivation today. For those of you who aren't, I hope this helped you learn something you didn't know. :)