It's finals week! This means that in less than a week I will be free for three whole weeks! Yay! I am almost caught up with my grading, so that means I will also be able to go through this week with little grading to do except for the finals exams. I am looking forward to the time off, especially from the commute...and the grading of papers.

The goal is to find a new work situation before the end of the three weeks. I don't know that it can happen, but it would be nice, wouldn't it?

So...prayers requested... :)

Was going to write more, but I realized that what I was going to write about is still too painful.

So...prayers requested for that, too...

So, it's been almost 2 weeks since my graduation. The parties are over. The congratulations have stopped coming. I've stopped grinning like a Cheshire cat. And now...the let-down.

It's not that I'm not still happy about the celebrations and the well-wishes. It's just that...well...now what?

I have the same job (which, by the way, was quite sucky yesterday). I have the same relationships (or lack thereof). My best friend has basically disappeared for the next two months. I just feel...I dunno...lonely and let-down.

I really have nothing to look forward to. Looking forward is what has always carried me through. Without that...*sigh*

So...*sigh*

I just thought of the following things to add to my previous list.

(3.5) English handbells. I want a set of 2-1/2 or 3 octaves, along with tables, foams, cases with wheels. I can take it from there. All of this costs $5000 to $6000. That's all. :)

(5.5) My own bakery and/or bakery business. I think I'd be good at it. I think I'd enjoy it. I think it would be cool. Yeah?



OK, that's all for now. Insert these into the previous list at the appropriate places.

Graduation was 8 days ago, and people continue to ask me "what's next?" As if this is just a means to an end and not something that I want to revel in for a while. Nevertheless, I do have to think about my future, and so I have compiled a list of goals, mostly long-term, for my life...

(1) A new job. I like my job. It is interesting and fun. But the drive is annoying, there is really no chance of doing anything other than what I do, and being a math teacher in an art school means I will never been anyone's mentor. I want to be a mentor to teachers and an advisor to education policy-makers. Is that so much to ask? I think I deserve to have something good happen to me finally.

(2) No more debt. This is going to take a while, I know. I am still trying to dig out from the failed business venture. But if (1) works, then (2) will come slowly.

(3) A clean house. This is a huge project and has been a long time coming. Every time I feel like I'm making a dent in things, it just gets worse. I need to get this house cleaned up and fixed up. (And then I can throw a huge party!)

(4) My own house. OK, this is going to take a long time. Either (1) has to be spectacular, or I have to win the lottery. But I want a house. A really awesome house. :)

(5) Adoption. With a house and a job, I can finally achieve my dream of adoption. Enough said.

(6) Marriage. I know that you are wondering why this is at the end of my list. It just is.

I also have some short-term goals. Publication, Summer Institute, AERA, a book. Another party. Maybe a vacation. An actual date.

So I'm asking for your prayers. Because these are not things that I take lightly. Thanks in advance.

OK, it's time to find a job!!!

Ideally, I would like one of these types of jobs...

(1) A job in higher education, as some sort of teacher/researcher/professor in a school/department of education. I love teaching. I love researching. And I love mentoring up and coming teachers. I would love to have a job in which I do all of these.

(2) A job consulting on and learning about education policy. I am loving education policy now, and I'd love to get more into it. I think that I know enough about research and policy to do some advising, but, of course, I can always learn more. So a job in which I could learn and use my expertise would be ideal.

If anyone has any ideas for me, please let me know...

:)

Just dropping by my own blog to say "Happy Leap Day!" Now I have to go back to my enormous piles of work. See you in April. LOL

OK, I have to say that 2011 was a terrible year. So was 2010, for that matter. I am ready for something great to happen in 2012.

Here's what I'm looking forward to...

--AERA in Vancouver in April. I'm presenting on EIEA to a room full of people who are experts on Kingdon. Am I scared? You betcha!

--Dissertation defense in April (or earlier!). I have to finish writing first, but, yeah...:)

--Graduation in May! This is contingent on the previous item, but, well, yeah...:D

--A new job! OK, this is really wishful thinking on my part, but, c'mon. I think I'm due.

--Celebratory trip(s)! Again, wishful thinking, but again, I think I'm due. LOL

Yeah, so that's what I'm looking forward to. I could add more, but I think that's sufficient for now.

Sooo...last week was my birthday. It was pretty low key. Most of you know that usually I do a big thing for my birthday, but this year I did not. This is partly due to the fact that I am desperately trying to get my dissertation proposal finished (and it is way overdue) and partly due to the fact that people seemed really put out by what I wanted to do. Nevertheless, there were some high points.

On my birthday, the Chans (Virna, Danny, Cassidy, and Jordan) took me out for burgers at The Counter and dessert at Green Street Restaurant. On Friday, my Renovatus church family surprised me with a fruit tart from Porto's. And on Sunday, my friends Nestor, Kelly, Yvette, Pixote, and Olivia surprised me with a red velvet cake--also from Porto's. YUM!!! :)

Also on my birthday, I spent the morning at the vet with Barney, who has (had?) two ear infections. He got some medicine, and he seems to be doing a lot better now.

In the last year, I have passed my qualifying exams, presented at my first conference, had a paper accepted at my first national conference, gotten a new job teaching college students. I have lost my best friend, attended three funerals, NOT finished my dissertation proposal (yet!). I have started giving myself nightly injections, gotten a new doctor, and gotten a new doggy. In short, I have lived life.

I'm thankful for another year of life. Looking forward to what's next.

Wow, I can't believe that it is already April of 2011. Where did the last two years go? Well, if you're still reading my blog, then I suppose I ought to catch you up with things.

School. School is difficult and crazy and frustrating and...well, good. As crazy as things are, I still love it. The last two terms were a little tedious, but the research part is getting interesting. We have a nice research team (me, Matt, Jean, and Dr. Mitchell) for our dissertation project. I must admit that Matt used to drive me nuts and that I did not get along with him at all last year. But we've figured out how to get along and even enjoy each other's company, and he has been pretty good to work with so far. Jean is wonderful, as always. She's smart, hard-working, and easy-going. She just had a baby, so she's pretty wiped out these days, but she's a great addition to our team. As for our fearless leader, Dr. Mitchell, he's pretty awesome. He's one of the smartest people I've ever met. He is introducing us to a lot of interesting stuff, and so far I'm still excited about our topic. I just hope I can continue this excitement for the next year.

Work. Work is...well, awful. Ever since the company restructured last year, it has been a pretty awful place to be. Our boss is, frankly, clueless, and it is not fun to work for her. The company cares nothing about its students anymore; the bottom line is the only line. Teachers are treated as if they were disposable, and administration has no idea what we do. I could complain for hours, but let's just leave it at that.

Church. Church has gotten interesting. We have a new pastor for Renovatus, and he is not hesitating to recognize my strengths. Since he has arrived, I have already gotten to speak twice, and I am also helping with the decision-making process. Of course, I still get to bake every month or so. It's really a very nice group to be a part of. The Sabbath morning service is hit-and-miss, but I'm trying to make it a point to go. I figure that I need to be a part of a community, and that I'm going to have to make the effort to do so.

Relationship. Non-existent. No prospects. Depressing. 'Nuff said.

Family. Complicated. Have to go to a funeral this week. Auntie Mein (my mom's brother's wife) was taken by cancer. She had been sick for a very long time. She was a good mom and wife, and she'll be missed a lot. As for the rest of the family. Yeah, let's just say complicated and leave it at that.

So yeah, I think that's about it. Not that many people read this, but I figured I owe it to the people who do pay attention. No promises to blog more regularly. For some reason, life is kicking my ass right now. Ha ha.

So, last night I went back to work after a couple of weeks off for the holidays. I had been tutoring throughout the break, several days a week. (Thank God for that, because I actually will be able to pay my bills in January.) But I hadn't taught a class for three weeks. Oddly, it felt as if I had been away for much longer.

I had mixed feelings about going back. For one, I had really hoped to be in a different job by now. I need this job--not only for the income, but because I need the health insurance. I guess I feel trapped. This does not make me a happy employee. On the other hand, I do enjoy the actual teaching part. I especially like the interactions with students and seeing them succeed and reach their goals. Still, I'm getting a little weary of teaching the same thing over and over. That's why I enjoyed the mentoring/observing and tutoring parts of my job. Sadly, the observation part of my job has been taken back by my new boss, and the company seems to be doing everything it can to make tutoring unbearable. *sigh*

Anyway, I continue to do the best I can for my students. I just hope that something new comes along soon.

One of my classmates shared a story with us. I had been watching the news about this incident (wow, that's an understatement--incident!), and then we talked about it in class. The thing I wasn't expecting to hear was that one of the students hiding in back room was our classmate's niece. You can read the story in her own words here.

Reading the story brought me to tears. Instead of scaring me about what's going on in the classroom, the story made me wonder if some kids are slipping through the cracks because I'm not there. Not that I'm all that important, but, well, I don't know. I guess it just really made me miss "my kids." And I really miss feeling as if I'm making a difference.

In honor of the Lunar New Year, I am posting my life update, just so you know what's going on.

School--School has overtaken my life. There is rarely a moment that I am not thinking about how much reading I have to do, a project that is due next, or an interesting discussion that I had about educational justice. But it's great. I started with a taste of school in July and then got going full throttle in September. I finished my first term with a 4.0, and now I'm motivated to maintain that. I'm excited by what I'm learning, and it's very interesting. This term is Legal & Ethical Issues in Education and Quantitative Research Methods (stats). Both are very interesting courses, and I've been blessed by great teachers in both classes. At some point I'd like to narrow down my interests to a dissertation topic. I know, there's still time, but I am so eager to get out there and move on. Which brings me to . . .

Work--Work is going relatively well. I find that I am still excited by teaching and that having my students change so often helps keep me motivated. At the same time, the work load is hit and miss. Sometimes it's overwhelming, and sometimes it's not enough to pay the bills. I find it frustrating. Also frustrating is the fact that we are judged constantly by our students through surveys they fill out. I usually don't find these helpful, as the students tend to blame things on me rather than realize they are curricular issues that I can not change (such as how much material I need to get through in a night). Such surveys are used to prevent me from getting a raise, which is quite unfair. Also, I'd like to get out of my doctoral program with some relevant experience so that I don't have to spend several years after graduation working at something that I am overqualified for just to gain experience. The problem is that with all of the budget cuts, no one is hiring for positions that would help me in that respect. So any of you that work in schools, if you hear of anything, I'm admin intern eligible.

Church--Church is going fairly well. I am probably going to change my membership to Eagle Rock SDA after all of these years. It's like getting a divorce from VDSDA, but that place clearly abandoned me years ago. I have been involved in Renovatus at Eagle Rock and have even made some friends there. I bring food once a month and even got to preach last year. It was a lot of fun, and it's nice to be in a place where it is recognized that talents can expand and grow.

Health--Health is :p. I am not taking care of myself as I know I should. I need a coach like the one Oprah had. Not that I can afford that. :p

Relationships--sigh. Have made some friends at school, church, and work. I guess that's nice. But there's still never that "one person" that I know I can call on. It gets rather lonely living that way. Really had hoped to have a husband and kids by now (or at least kids?), but I guess I'm not all that high on God's priority list. sigh

Anyway, that's my life. I know only about 5 of you read this, but thanks for staying tuned.

So last night I logged onto our business system at work, and I was in for a great shock. I was just going on there to find a student's email address. I was not prepared to learn that one of my classes was cancelled. I'm really upset for a couple of reasons.

1) That is a lot of money that I won't be earning in February and March. I was already in trouble because of the Christmas break, and now I may have to borrow money again. *sigh*

2) No one bothered to call me and tell me that my class was cancelled. Had I known earlier, I could have made plans to be away for the six days that I have off. I could have gone to Hawaii or St. Louis or Chicago or that cruise with the 4Him reunion. Couldn't someone have dropped me an email to let me know?

I'm not in a good mood right now. Grrr . . .

I've had a crappy--no, shitty--past two weeks. *sigh*

My job has let me down. I had been teaching a class. It was a difficult class because of some circumstances out of my control. Frankly, I didn't even want the class to begin with. But I did my best. And they turned on me. My students never told me I was a bad teacher to my face, but they felt the need to say I was horrible and mean to my bosses and to anyone else who would listen.

The only good thing that came out of this is that I found out just how much I am supported in my classroom. Iain, Kelly, and Elizabeth all backed me up, and, because of my class's idiocy, are still backing me up--even though the course is finished. It is a far cry from having to work with JS, TM, TF, GB, and PH. I am grateful for their encouragement.

Still, the entire situation has put me in a really shitty mood. I am too old to be dealing with this petty crap. I'm a good--make that, GREAT--teacher. I'm always on time, I know my stuff, I cover all of the material IN THE ALLOTTED TIME, I support my center, I get people to come to workshops, I'm available to my students via email and before and after class, AND MY STUDENTS GET RESULTS! I do all of that, and still I'm vulnerable to the kind of attacks that I've had to endure. I'm angry and hurt and just want to cry.

And I was supposed to be happy about my birthday in the midst of this. I got a lot of well-wishes on Facebook. I was very grateful for those. I was also fascinated by who managed to forget. It was a little heartbreaking on a couple of accounts. Still, Stephen, Mesash and Ashley, and Virna all took me out for meals--on three different days! So that was quite nice. And Stephen, Chris, and Trish donated to DWC, which was really great.

Yet, my birthday left me feeling empty. I usually love my birthday, but this year, for the first time, I felt as if life has just passed me by. I was supposed to be at a different stage in my life than I am. And I'm disappointed, because I know that I'm too old for most--if not every one--of my wishes to come true. It makes me truly sad.

Last night I actually went to DWC for our monthly birthday party. The party was great, and the ladies had a better-than-usual time, thanks to Ricardo and his singing. But the party ended badly for me, due to people's lack of respect and boundaries. This is really the first time this has happened to me at the center, and it really did hurt. It was mostly due to misunderstandings, but it was not something I needed on top of everything else.

The worst part is that this cyberSCREAMing is really all I can do. There's no one home to talk to; I don't have anyone to hold me and assure me that I'm loved; even my best friends have other things going on in their lives--too much to concern themselves with my feelings right now. Sure, they can give me a few hours of their time--but, really, there's no one in my life that can give me of themselves. I'm not complaining; they have a right to their own lives and their own loved ones. It's just that I'm really sad . . .

Oh well. Back to work . . . *puts mask back on*

This was today's Chinese Horoscope for me. Oddly, much of it is true, and most of the rest of it I am waiting to come true. Interesting . . .

You'll make some good business deals or will find a more remunerative job. Don't mull over pointless questions of life after death. You'll be subject to digestive and intestinal troubles due mostly to your anxiety and excessive nervousness. Family concerns or uneasiness about the health of a near one will somewhat disturb your life. You'll savor the delights of love. But this should not prevent you from taking care of other sectors of your existence, otherwise it will not take you long to know many disappointments.
Horoscopes ©AsiaFlash Provided Courtesy of Master Rao.

I've been going through the old photo albums lately. I've been looking for pictures to use at my parents' anniversary party. I went through the old family albums, and today I moved on to the more recent vacation albums. For some reason, mixed in with those were some of my scrapbooks from when I was teaching at Alemany. Looking at some of those pictures made me really nostalgic for those days. I know there were a lot of reasons to get out of the traditional classroom, and those are still valid. But seeing all of those pictures reminded me of what I loved about teaching high school--my students.

I miss the relationships I developed with my students, something that I can't do now. I mean, it's amazing how close I can get to some of them even now, but, really, they are gone after 8, or maybe even 4, weeks.

I miss the exhuberance of youth that so many of my students had. Some of them still have it, and some of my currents students do, too. But so many people I encounter now have lost that and are stuck in the rat race of their lives. When I am the most lively person in the room, something is seriously wrong in the world.

As I said, I know I'm in the right place for now, but some days I really miss what I had before. It's especially difficult this time of year, when I want to get ready for the new school year.

I'm a bit melancholy today. Ah well. This, too, shall pass. *sigh*

One of the things that each of one my GMAT students is worried about is the degree of strictness at the Pearson Center where he or she will take the GMAT. I've heard stories of proctors that won't let test-takers remove their sweaters mid-test, won't allow students with colds to have wrapped cough drops, and need to escort students to and from the bathroom. The fingerprinting, cameras, and, soon, palm-vein scans, are enough to rattle even the best test-takers. I tell my students that all of the rules are to deter cheaters. If people didn't cheat, GMAC wouldn't have so many crazy rules.

So when I read this story, I was not surprised but very disappointed. Seriously, does anyone wonder why the news is filled with stories of illegal activities by CEOs and other executives? These people apparently can't even take an exam without cheating! So sad.

Well, I've been spending my days scanning pictures, making phone calls, and scanning more pictures. That is, when I'm not working. It seems as if the photo albums will never end.

Oh yeah, I didn't explain why. My parents' 50th anniversary is next month, and we are planning a dinner party for them. It is not going to be a huge party that everyone they know is invited to. Instead, we opted for a smaller dinner with close and old friends. The invitations have been sent, and half of the people have responded. Most of those who have responded are coming. Including us, we have 49 people so far. That's a really good size, and we won't have more than 70 if all of the others say yes.

So right now I'm scanning old photo albums, trying to find pictures that we can use for the decorations. I have about six more albums to go through here, but I still have some upstairs to look at. I think I will have enough pictures to do what I want, but we'll see.

Also, I need to buy a dress. I found kind-of a cute one online, but I haven't gotten around to ordering yet. I'll go to the mall eventually and look around, but right now I need to get this picture thing done.

So that's my life . . . work, scan, call, lather, rinse, repeat.