I would like to know what supposed genius at Bravo TV thought up the new show Launch My Line. Ever since Bravo lost "Project Runway" to Lifetime, the network has been trying to come up with an equally compelling show to replace it. This has been an abject failure.
First, there was "The Fashion Show," starring the duplicitous Isaac Mizrahi and the personality-deficient Kelly Rowland. Bravo recently ran a full-day marathon of this show, and I was reminded of what a train wreck it was. Inane challenges (one based on readings from tarot cards), faux celebrities (who the hell is Tinsley Mortimer and why do I care what she says?), and UGLY clothes. I watched the entire season, hoping that something good would come of it. At the time I remember thinking to myself, "This is better than I thought it would be." However, when the marathon ran last week, I thought, "This is worse than I remember it being." Yeah, train wreck.
But nothing could prepare me for how bad the next should would be. Enter "Launch My Line." It's an intriguing concept--ten professionals, accomplished in fields other than fashion design, are sure they can conquer the design world. The person who wins the competition will have his or her entire line sold on a website, after, of course, beating out his/her competitors in several elimination challenges. Many of us have watched these shows and said, "What is THAT? I'm SURE I could make something better!" Besides, the show was on after Top Chef, so I decided to watch it.
BIG mistake. First, the contestants. Idiots. Seriously. None of them is at all interesting to watch, and none gives me a reason to want to root for him or her. Second, the "experts." Who are these experts? I haven't heard of any of them, and none of them seems to know much more than the contestants. Their only purpose seems to be to cause strife, which, might be fun to watch if any of the people involved were in any way interesting. Third, the hosts. I suppose that Dan and Dean (or is it Dean and Dan?) have made some sort of name for themselves in the fashion world. It doesn't matter that I haven't heard of them; I'm sure they are famous. However, I cannot even begin to describe to you how annoying these twins are. With their gravelly yet high-pitched voices and their not-helpful-at-all "advice" to the contestants, they both speak as if they are about to reveal some sort of juicy gossip but really say nothing at all. They provoke conflict between the contestants and the experts, asking questions such as, "What would you change about your expert?" instead of asking about the actual creative process or the clothes themselves. Last, the most annoying thing of all. The name-dropping. From the hosts to the contestants to the experts, the entire show seems to be about naming as many celebrities as possible. Perhaps the show's producers realized, as I have, that no one knows or cares who these people are. So, the best way, at least in Bravo's collective mind, to promote some sort of interest is to connect the show's "stars" to the rich and famous. It doesn't work. They just aren't very interesting.
So, Bravo TV, I suggest that you take Launch My Line and launch it into the ocean. It's a terrible show. Face facts: You let Project Runway go. Live with it and move on.
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